Monday, December 10, 2012

The time I went to the vet.

I have felt a significant bond to cats ever since I understood that they also do not like people that much and can do whatever they want, which is to sleep all day. I immediately understood that these were my people, and I should run with them, but alas my mom would not let me be raised by cats because they clean themselves with their own tongue which my mom deems unsanitary. So anything I do that involves me upsetting a cat causes me inner turmoil. Which brings us to my trip to the vet with my grandmas cat. When I signed up for this I knew it was not going to be easy, but I did not think it would be that hard. It took me 15 minutes, a lot of sweat, a lot of treats, and a handful of cat food to get her into the cage. I also had to shove her a little, which caused me to freak out and almost leave.

Now that I have sweated through my hoodie and my hair is frizzing out it was time to get in the car. Which I knew would be the hardest part. She did fine the first half of the way and then things started to go downhill. She started yelling like MOWOWOWOW and I was like "Its okay, Its gunna be okay, were almost there" which I realized I was saying for my own benefit and not hers. It was a short 10 minute car ride that resulted in tears shed from both parties. And also I was still sweating. I think she more yelling like "Lady you need to calm down its only a car ride I got my leg ran over by a lawnmower once, youre fine"

So we get to the vet and I walk in looking like I just ran here from northern Africa who also got hit by a golf cart and decide to sit on the floor with my face directly in front of her cage as I receive quizzical looks from everyone and she just lays there and I talk to her in my nice high pitched voice about everything going on. I think she wanted me to shut up so she could sleep.

They finally call our names. We put the cage on the table and un hinge Clementine to her freedom, but she refuses to get out of the cage.

So we let her stay in there while I answer questions in a rabid manner while still sweating because I want to get out of here and back in the safety of my grandmas living quarters. All while Clementine is relaxing because apparently she is not as worked up as I am.

Finally the nurse leaves and we have to wait for the doctor. Clementine comes out on her own eventually because she is very lovey and sensed that I wanted to pet her and tell her everything awesome and okay because we were going home soon

Dont mind me. Like I said, this was not my finest moment. But Clementine seemed happy getting lovins and stuff so I started to calm down. And then the doctor came in.

She tried to hide in my hood, but her efforts were futile becase we were both found. Then the doctors started touching her and stuff which she seemed to start liking because she loves to petted and touched, but I started sweating again because I dont want her to get hurt. Which she wasnt getting her and my brain didnt understand it. But they had to give her a steroid shot, which I did not handle well because shots make me blackout and enraged, like the hulk but with more tears. Clementine didnt even flinch for the shot, but I almost threw up and passed out.

So after that she demanded to petted again and then sauntered back into her cage and sat down all perfect and stuff. At that point I was frisbeeing my credit card at the front desk and trying to get out of there as fast I could before they had to mop up both my sweat and vomit. They were trying to tell me more stuff and im like just throw it in the bag!! all while not taking my eyes off the cat on the chair to my right.

When we got home she trotted out and started running and eating and playing and I was like calm down Clementine Ive had a very traumatic morning. 5 and a half hours and $167, Im still freaking out about it.

Except I do have to go back again. On Christmas Eve, at 8:45 in the morning. 
Merry Freaking Christmas to me. 

I will be needing back up this time.

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